Each of us is familiar with the situation when our mood begins to deteriorate, if suddenly something did not go according to plan, something did not work out, something broke, or someone did not come somewhere, did not do something, or did something that would have been better not did, someone did not give way, “made” a stupid remark when his opinion was not asked, etc., etc. And your nerves are already on edge, and the accumulated irritation and anger are waiting for the “last straw” to fall in an uncontrollable avalanche, as a rule, on the closest and most defenseless person... Are there ways to manage your feelings so that your own mood does not depend on either circumstances or another person, i.e., from factors that cannot be controlled? After all, this is important: your mood has been ruined, your plans have been “broken,” but life goes on and you need to “do something and move on.” Yes, such methods aimed at maintaining one’s mental balance exist, and many of them have been used for thousands of years. In fact, there are so many forms of working on your peace of mind that it is quite difficult to list everything and even briefly describe it in a short article. Conventionally, psychologists divide all these areas into 3 large components: - body-oriented practices; - spiritual practices; - the use of psychotechnologies. The division is very arbitrary, since it is impossible to draw a clear boundary between where one direction ends and another begins. But no matter what path for self-improvement a person chooses, no matter what the psychologist’s support he uses, he will change his usual stereotype of responding to a situation, which has three components: - feelings; - thinking; - behavior. Surely you have noticed in yourself and others that every time you react to the same situation in the same way. Well, for example, you agreed with your husband that he will take out the trash every day without reminders. Everyone agreed to the terms. But the garbage continues to remain in the same bucket. What happens to your psyche in response to this stimulus against your will? - feelings of anger, resentment, helplessness arise; - thoughts appear: “here we go again”, “as much as possible”, “why, we agreed”, “how irresponsible he is”, “is it really so difficult”, “does he care?” I don’t care,” “well, really, can’t you just once…”, “you can’t trust him with anything at all,” “it’s easier to do everything yourself”...; - behavior: take out the trash yourself, and when you meet, tell him everything you think about it. The mood has disappeared for both you and your husband. And after a couple of days the situation repeats itself... All this instantly flashes through your mind as soon as you see the trash can. Your psyche reacted in its usual way, completely automatically. This is just one example. In fact, 95% of all human behavior consists of stereotypical actions that he does not think about. And for most people, the stereotype is as follows: to any situation, a person first develops feelings, followed by an immediate response through behavior. The thinking stage in this chain is either missed, or the brain turns on only after emotions have spilled out. The expression “Strong with hindsight” fits here. And the work to gain calm will be aimed at forming a new response stereotype, which in a healthy person looks like this: first he perceives the situation, then analyzes it, including thinking, and only then makes a decision about which behavior option in the given circumstances will be most suitable for him acceptable. Analyzing the situation gives me an understanding of what I can influence and what is not within my control, so it will be a waste of energy. Note that in groups of anonymous mutual aid communities, which were once popular in the West, and are now gaining recognition in our country, the meeting begins with the ancient prayer: “God, give me reason and peace of mind to accept what I cannot change.” , courage to change what I can and wisdom to distinguish one thing