Sometimes we fail to build relationships. We walk in circles, falling from one trap to another. Why does this happen? The whole point is that the essence of counterdependent and codependent behavior is the same - addiction! This is emotional dependence, a failure at the level of attachment. And this failure occurs in approximately the same way - both in a codependent person and in a counterdependent person. The only difference is that a codependent person does not feel himself without the other, he grabs onto his partner. In relation to a counterdependent person, the picture of the world is slightly different. A counterdependent person is a person who is dependent on his independence and has a fear of intimacy. Relatively speaking, he has such a huge love for his freedom (dependent and painful) that relationships for such a person are simply unbearable, causing inconvenience, pain and some kind of rejection. This interferes with both his personal and internal life. Codependent relationships and their signs: Codependency is the need for attention in order to receive one’s value. Codependency begins in childhood; perhaps your parents were authoritarian, or you were overprotective. Difficulties arise with boundaries, there is no sense of self. Manifestation of codependency: Control of your partner, you are afraid of losing sight of him. You may feel that if he leaves, he won't come back. Seeking approval and support from others to feel like you're okay. Increased need for alcohol, food, work, sex, or other external stimulants to distract attention. from your experiences. Uncertainty of psychological boundaries. This also applies to symptoms of codependency. A person feels either in the role of a martyr or in the role of a jester being mocked. And, of course, the feelings of true intimacy and love are inaccessible to you. Counterdependence and their signs: Counterdependence is fear of intimacy. It may be due to childhood trauma. Something happened in childhood that installed in you the belief that others cannot be trusted, and that it is dangerous to need anyone. A trap of mistrust has arisen. Manifests itself as: Refusal from relationships A series of very short relationships Fear of opening your feelings, for fear of being abandoned. A clear understanding of “I don’t need anyone” And, of course, feelings of true intimacy and love are not available to you. Get rid of emotional dependence and find yours Me: Recognize your addiction. Recognizing oneself as dependent is an awareness of the step of meeting one’s needs independently. Contact with oneself. What I want? Where are my wishes? How do I feel? Take responsibility for your life. You and only you are the master of your life and you decide how everything will work in it. Work with your inner child. Feel sorry, accept, help and take care of your inner child. Grief. To overcome a traumatic childhood experience, it is important to immerse yourself in it, mourn, agree with childhood, and the experiences we received in childhood. Learn to interact with a partner. Declare your desires, needs, stop tolerating what you don’t like and doesn’t suit you. I hope these small recommendations will help you understand emotional dependencies and take at least a small step towards yourself. Sign up for a consultationPhone, WhatsApp, Viber +7-921- 304-17-34Skype: +79213041734Vladimirova Yulia Nikolaevna