One of the most destructive emotions. Turning into a habit, it begins to control behavior and consciousness, turns thinking into negative. A person suffering from self-pity loses the ability to effectively solve problems, ceases to believe in himself, and in general experiences difficulties in interacting with the outside world. Thoughts about his helplessness further aggravate his powerlessness, forming and reinforcing the position and behavior of a weak person, a victim. Experienced FSWs do not need external reasons; they feed their pity with fears, anxieties and self-doubt. In such a state, it is very difficult to control your behavior and adequately assess your strengths and abilities. A person follows his experiences instead of realizing what he feels and analyzing the reasons for what is happening and changing his reality. FSW have two main reasons: 1. A state of powerlessness and hopelessness, provoked by a situation in which it is impossible to decide or do anything right now. 2. Underestimation of one’s abilities, low self-esteem and, consequently, a belief in one’s own defenselessness, fragility and inability to withstand difficulties (real or imaginary). Let’s not forget about simpler reasons - others violate your boundaries, you feel physical pain, resentment, humiliation , remorse, etc., and FSW joins them. Many get used to the role of the sufferer so much that even understanding and realizing the origins of their feelings, they explain them by completely different reasons - character, external circumstances, etc. And here it’s worth thinking about what benefits this state brings to a person, what he receives from himself and others, or what he allows himself to do when he is in the role of a victim. Signs: – desire to cry, tears; – apathy; - Bad mood; – resentment, etc. How to fight? First, identify the reasons for self-pity. To do this, you need to ask yourself honest questions and answer them as objectively as possible. Ask yourself: - What makes me feel sorry for myself? – How do I usually act in such situations? – Do I solve the problem or wait until it resolves itself? – Do I take responsibility or wait for decisions from others? – How can I influence this situation? By answering these questions, you will be able to see your usual behavior strategies.© Elena Markeeva, 2019