From the author: A teenager, during his growing up period, tries to answer many questions: Who am I? What I can? What can't I do? How can I become what I would like to become? Naturally, when answering these questions, a teenager primarily relies on the opinions of his parents, or other significant adults with whom he has close relationships. Therefore, parents can help the child in the formation of adequate self-esteem, or be the cause of low or, on the contrary, high self-esteem. Adequate self-esteem helps the child to be calmer, treat himself and the people around him well, a teenager with such self-esteem is able to understand his capabilities and limitations well. Self-esteem This is a person’s idea of ​​himself, of his capabilities, abilities, and relationships with other people. Self-esteem determines how a person perceives himself, relationships with others, behavior in various life situations (quarrels, conflicts, winning an argument, etc.). There are high, adequate and low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can cause irritability, tension, and anxiety. The reasons for the emergence of such self-esteem are related to the assessment of others of your behavior. This influence is especially noticeable in childhood, for example, if a child, for every offense, was told how bad and clumsy he was. Then, after some time, he really begins to consider himself as such. Most scientists believe that self-esteem is finally formed only closer to adolescence. But even during this period it is unstable, situational, and subject to outside influence. In adults, self-esteem is more stable, and sharply negative events can shake it (financial insolvency, inability to have children, create relationships, etc.). An adult’s self-esteem can also be influenced by a person’s personal qualities (stress tolerance, ability to cope with difficulties, etc.). d.).Low self-esteem in a teenager is manifested in the fact that he sees something bad in all his actions and judgments, constantly compares himself with some ideal images, he has difficulties in defining his desires, difficulties in accepting compliments, praise, signs of attention, the inability to say no, the state of victimhood. The second pole where a teenager’s self-esteem can deviate is upward, although this is much less common. Inflated self-esteem is a person’s overestimation of his capabilities. The main danger of such self-esteem is inflated expectations from the outside world, which will lead to depression if a person is unable to satisfy his ambitions in the real world. Signs of inflated self-esteem: a person considers himself higher and better than everyone else; if someone spits on him, then the person considers himself offended; a person is confident that he is right, denies the fact that there may be an opinion different from his own; inability to forgive and ask for forgiveness; frequent use of the pronoun I; fear of making mistakes, arrogance. Inflated self-esteem is associated with the characteristics of upbringing and possibly the external attractiveness of a person. As we can see, high or low self-esteem can negatively affect the behavior of a teenager, making him inappropriate to the reality in which he finds himself. Therefore, self-esteem must be adequate (realistic) And I agree with T. Leary: “Parents should tell their children that they love them, despite the fact that they are imperfect, and that they have room to develop. But you need to be honest with children. The main thing is , never tell a child that he is the best in the world." A teenager, while growing up, tries to answer many questions: Who am I? What I can? What can't I do? How can I become what I would like to become? Naturally, when answering these questions, a teenager primarily relies on the opinions of his parents, or other significant adults with whom he has close relationships. Therefore, parents can help their child develop adequate self-esteem, so be itthe cause of low or, on the contrary, high self-esteem. Adequate self-esteem helps a child to be calmer, to treat himself and the people around him well; a teenager with such self-esteem is able to well understand his capabilities and limitations. Adequate self-esteem in a child is formed where there is a respectful attitude towards the child’s opinion , constructive criticism and recognition that the child is valuable in himself, regardless of any of his achievements and awards. A respectful attitude towards the child and his opinion will be manifested in respect for the decisions, needs, desires, goals of your child. It is important to see the boundaries that he creates the child and these boundaries should not be violated. If parents unceremoniously interfere in the child’s life, neglect, or violate his boundaries, this can affect the child’s relationship with other people and parents. In order to prevent this, parents should try to respect the “boundaries” of their child. To do this, you need to allocate a separate room for him, or at least his own corner, where he can store his things, have the opportunity to relax, retire, read, etc. It is strictly forbidden to touch a child’s personal belongings without permission, rummage through his pockets, briefcase, or read personal notes. It happens that parents try to control the child’s hobbies, friendships, and clothing style. The child should also have independence in this, even if you don’t understand his friend or his hobbies, try to treat this with respect. The child will be very grateful to you for this. The only time it is necessary to intervene in these processes is if you understand that they may threaten your child. Constructive criticism with plenty of positive reinforcement is also a factor that contributes to adequate self-esteem. This does not mean that you only need to praise the child; of course, there should be criticism and you can use the following algorithm for such criticism. Initially we say what happened (You were late for the meeting!), then we express our feelings towards this event (I was very upset about this!), then we indicate the consequences of this behavior (We were late for the concert), and at the end of our feedback we talk about how to do it (Next time, be on time). In any criticism, it is initially useful to focus on what the person really did, noting his effort and desire. Everyone felt how unpleasant it was when you were underestimated, ridiculed, and your efforts were trampled in the bud. Of course, all this leads to negative experiences and, as a result, a decrease in self-esteem. Another favorite manipulation of parents is to compare the successes of their child with others. This not only does not push the child to change, but it has the opposite effect; the child does not want to change anything at all, he gives up. Excessive demands on a child (incommensurate with his age) can also cause the child to have negative feelings associated with his own inadequacy, disappointment with himself and his capabilities. Therefore, it is more logical to gradually develop the child, every day, to give him the opportunity to overcome an obstacle that seemed impossible today. If you set tasks for a child that he cannot overcome today, even with the help of a loved one, this leads to the child completely stopping doing something, achieving something, not believing in himself, because the bar is too high. Constructive criticism assumes that the child received a task commensurate with his age and level of development. If this is not so, then there is no point in criticism. If we let a child drive a car at the age of 12 and he crashes the car, in this case the criticism can only be directed at himself. It is important for a child that his parents recognize his value as an individual. Parents should try to accept and respect the child’s decisions, even if they seem wrong to them, the child’s opinion, his position on a particular issue, perseverance.