In today's article, I want to talk about emotions: What emotional experience do we receive and what strategies do we build based on such experience? Stress and emotions - what is the relationship? Why understand our emotions? Emotions are a person’s reaction to something significant to him in life. One person may try to suppress their emotions because they see them as incomprehensible, overwhelming, or embarrassing. Another person may perceive emotions as a temporary and complex component of life, inherent in humans and revealing our values ​​and needs. Almost all of us have experienced feelings such as joy, sadness, sadness or anxiety, but not everyone experiences depression. What contributes to the fact that the emotion further develops, for example, into depression? What contributes to this is that a person’s understanding of his unpleasant emotions and his reaction to them determine whether a given emotional experience will lead to pathology. For example, intense sadness will not always lead to depressive disorder. Today, there are many theories that explain emotions that have similarities and differences from each other. For example, emotions are considered as: - a determination of the ability to process information, - primary phenomena, - hereditary reactions to significant factors, - the result of an assessment of threat or stress, - etc. Of course, each of the above ideas has made a great contribution to the understanding of the importance of emotions in our daily life. But the conclusion from this can be drawn as follows: not only the experience of emotions matters, but also our interpretation (understanding) of this experience, and what this experience will give us in the future. What emotional experience do we receive and what strategies do we build based on this experience? Emotions are often experienced as automatic reactions that a person does not usually think about. For example, unless I ask a person what feelings arise in a given situation, he may not think about it before asking this question. That is, we often distance ourselves from our emotions and do not want to notice or feel them. We learn this kind of distancing from emotions in our families. The child in the family internalizes his emotions through emotional conversation with other people. Emotional conversation is when the parent uses words for his child's emotion, develops the topic of emotion that the child described and then helps him find ways to cope with it. We can react to a child’s emotions in different ways: - It’s okay! Don't worry! What are you hyping? (the person shows disapproval and denial of the child’s emotions). - Stop acting like a little kid! Stop shedding tears. (the person criticizes and controls the child’s feelings). - Don’t you see that I have enough of my own problems! Leave me alone! (the person is overwhelmed by his own feelings and rejects the child's emotions). That is, the experiences that a child has when he was upset or happy about something can have a lasting impact on his ideas about his emotions and how others will respond to them. Based on such experience, a person develops various strategies related to regulating his emotions. Here they are: Avoid what triggers problematic emotions. For example, when a couple breaks up with each other and people start to stop visiting the places they used to go to together. Or we begin to try not to do those things that led to unpleasant emotions (for example, do not contradict another and do what is told). Solve the problem with the help of distraction or behavior change. For example, when an unpleasant situation occurs and a person begins to actively engage in other activities, leaving the previous situation as if forgotten. Control your emotions by suppressing them. For example, in this case, a person abuses alcohol and may manifest himself as dependent on something, that is, he wants to forget, erase from memory, something that brings unpleasant memories and feelings. So what to do? For example, try to look for advantages and disadvantages in emerging situations, evaluate their consequences and consider optionscorrecting or accepting some things. That is, here a person can begin to overestimate the situation and understands his emotions and reactions to the current circumstances. Back in 1996, American psychologist Gottman and his colleagues developed a “positive philosophy” of how to respond to a child’s emotions: - awareness of the emotion in oneself and the child, - viewing the child’s negative emotion as an opportunity to become a closer and more meaningful person for him, - confirmation of the child’s emotions, - assistance in identifying emotions, - solving problems and setting goals together with the child. For example, a child broke his favorite toy and runs to you in tears and sadness - you felt how bitter and sad the baby is at the moment - you say: You are very Are you sad that your toy is broken? – the child can say YES! or nod - you are saying: I really understand your sadness about what happened. - the child, of course, will not calm down after this conversation, but he will feel that you share his sadness with him and calm him down simply by being nearby or hugging him - after that you offer options for fixing the toy or something else. Frankly speaking, this is not You can always do it right away, that is, follow these recommendations at every moment. Still, we are not robots or ideal beings (although some may think otherwise). But if we try to follow this, then reactions in conflict or disturbing situations will be perceived differently and resolved faster. And we will feel that we are understood, heard and that they are ready to be with us during difficult moments. But here I want to emphasize a very important point! You won't be able to apply this kind of "positive philosophy" to others (and this doesn't just apply to children) until you yourself learn to understand your own emotions and feelings. Therefore, they often say that all these psychological tricks are useless and in general it is complete nonsense. Yes, that's true, until you can use it with others until you understand for yourself what it is and follow it yourself. For example, this is when we can never teach a child to talk until we learn to talk ourselves. What does this give? If we try to follow the steps described above, it will make the emotional process of managing our feelings and sensations easier for a child or another person. And even parents' beliefs about their child's emotions influence their parenting strategies and the outcomes of their children. Stress and Emotions Our emotions are affected by stress. People experience stress as a result of stress-inducing events that we confront. Each of us evaluates our experience of stress differently. It depends on what we think about emotions and how we respond to stress. For example, if I feel sad and tired and believe that it will never go away, then I will experience additional stress. If I believe that my feelings of sadness and fatigue will pass in the near future, I will not worry more. That is, it is actually possible to feel even more stressed because of how we feel and the emotions that we have. The reaction to stress can become more destructive than the stressor itself. A person must decide whether he should recognize his negative feelings and treat them with understanding and acceptance. Any uncomfortable situation, and stress is always discomfort, carries a certain meaning, teaches perseverance and the fight against adversity, develops strength of character and will. Learning to face difficulties, sometimes fail and come to terms with your own imperfections - this is true work on yourself. It seems to me that the task is not to live an easy and carefree life (you cannot live life without experiencing disappointments, disappointments and losses), but to fill it with meaning. Why understand our emotions? Emotions are a reflection of our needs when we feel in our internal state that we are missing something. Some emotions are associated with evolutionary adaptation to life (fear, jealousy), others are associated.