WHY GO TO PSYCHOLOGISTS. (Interview with the GAZETA newspaper) Until recently, little was known about the profession of psychotherapist in our country: according to tradition, people solved their problems with friends, during intimate conversations in the kitchen. But today more and more Russians are turning to a psychotherapist for help. A practicing psychologist and psychotherapist, Member of the East European Association of Existential Psychotherapy, Elena Babievskaya, told Gazeta correspondent Ekaterina Safonova about how such a specialist can help. Now, are visits to psychotherapists becoming popular here too? Indeed, more and more people are turning to us, and quite young ones at that. Many of our clients are between twenty and thirty years old, and for them a visit to a psychotherapist is a completely natural act. They have already grown up with the understanding that they can come to a specialist with their problems; for them there is nothing special about it. And at the same time, they realize that a psychotherapist is not a doctor who will give medicine and everything will pass quickly; not a wizard who will wave his wand and everything will work out in the best possible way. The task of a psychotherapist is to help a person get to know himself, to understand what the true cause of the problem is, why he feels lonely, why he experiences fear or anxiety. But this is just the beginning. It is much more important to teach how to cope with problems with the help of our own resources, which we help him find. But all this is possible only if the person himself is ready to make serious efforts. The psychotherapist has certain knowledge and techniques, but cannot look into the soul and see how the client’s psychological state changes. Each meeting is a joint, very difficult work. People are different, and someone comes with the desire to simply cry, talk about their misfortunes, he likes that here they listen to him carefully and delve into his problems. He, like a small child, gets used to it as a pacifier, and does not want to strain. Sooner or later I say: we found out everything, we identified your problem, now we need to start acting. And many refuse, for them it seems very difficult. Here a psychotherapist cannot help: I ​​repeat, he is not a magician. How does the work of a psychotherapist differ from the work of a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist is a doctor who has the right to make a diagnosis and prescribe medications. Psychotherapists, as a rule, become people who first receive psychological education, and then receive additional education directly related to psychotherapy. He has no right to make a diagnosis or prescribe medications. But, unlike, say, a consulting psychologist who simply gives advice and recommendations, a psychotherapist communicates with a person for a long time and, as a result, helps him meet himself, learn to be friends with himself. Where are psychotherapists trained? We do not yet have such state universities in our country. At Moscow State University, for example, the psychology department provides excellent theoretical training, but does not teach how to work with a specific person. Psychotherapists, as a rule, become people who have received a diploma in psychology and then continue their studies at some non-state university. There are many different directions in psychotherapy, and each has its own techniques, its own ways of working. Now in Russia there are several humanitarian programs that are run for our specialists by psychotherapists from America, Germany, and Austria. They know very well that in our country this specialty did not develop for a very long time, was practically banned, and they work for free, they are only paid for travel and accommodation. The programs are designed for five years, after their completion, those who pass a strict selection will receive European certificates. Nowadays in many print media you can find advertisements in which they promise to help people solve the most difficult problems in just a few minutes. How to choose the right psychotherapist? Well, firstly, everyone who promises to help very quickly - in a day, in a week - are charlatans. Human psycheIt takes years to build, it is impossible to change anything about it instantly. And anyone who decides to turn to a psychotherapist must understand that a long and very difficult, painstaking work awaits them. The first ten meetings are just the beginning; during this time you can only build relationships and understand something. And if the psychotherapist does not embellish anything, does not promise to do anything instantly, it means that you can trust him, and then you should trust your own feelings: this is what I can trust or not, I can open my soul or not. And it’s worth talking to two or three specialists to choose the one who’s right for you. It often happens that during a meeting a person feels: he does not like the psychotherapist, for some reason he cannot establish contact. There is nothing wrong with this, there is no need to rush. And any professional understands that if a person seriously chooses a psychotherapist, these are not whims, but, on the contrary, a serious, conscious attitude to the problem. Who turns to a psychotherapist more often - men or women? Of course, women. And not only because they are more active in life, it is easier for a woman to openly talk about her problems. An acquaintance once told me that he would never go to a psychotherapist. Why? “Yes, because there you have to tell the truth.” Men, as a rule, do not like to admit their weaknesses; it seems to them that in this case others will stop respecting them. The boy is still small, but his family tells him: “You can’t cry, you have to be strong!” And he grows up with this conviction. Although, recently there have been changes here too. We have group classes at our center - and in many groups there are now equal numbers of men and women. We even had a case where a man and a girl, having met in our group, decided to connect their lives and get married. Do you do family psychotherapy? Yes, and a visit to a psychotherapist sometimes helps to avoid divorce. Now more and more people are asking for help. We help someone save their family; if this is no longer possible, then at least divorce in a civilized manner. And while individual therapy can last a very long time, with couples five or six sessions are usually enough. It is very interesting to watch how people come for the first time: everyone tries to enlist the support of the psychotherapist, to win him over to their side, and the latter tries with all his might to remain “above the fray.” It all ends, as a rule, with the spouses uniting and starting to “befriend” the psychotherapist, then he realizes that he has completed his task and is no longer needed by them. There are generally funny cases: a couple recently came to us, and the husband began repeating from the doorway: “we have no mutual understanding,” the wife nods: “yes, yes, not at all”; and so - the whole conversation: one says: “we look at things differently,” and the other immediately agrees... How much does it cost to see a psychotherapist? The range of prices can be very large: from 15 to 150 dollars per hour - this is, if we say about those who work individually. Naturally, an experienced specialist with a name, regalia and diplomas charges more for his work than a beginner. In some places the first visit costs more, then the fee decreases, in other places there is no difference. A psychosession, as a rule, lasts a little less than an hour, about 50 minutes, during which time the maximum result can be achieved. The human psyche is so cleverly designed that after these 50 minutes something happens in a person’s soul. We even have such a concept: “insight” - such insight occurs. The client sits, talks, talks, and suddenly: “Oh, I understand! Well, it turns out that’s what’s going on!” It seems to me that this moment is the most interesting thing in our work. After all, a surgeon, say, performs an operation and can see what is inside the patient, but we, unfortunately, cannot look into the soul, and what mood a person has inside can only be understood from his words. People often ask me: “You tell me...”, and I say: “No, you tell me what’s happening to you, how you feel now?” Afford a visit toOnly people who are not poor can see a psychotherapist? In fact, they are different. Quite often people who are not very rich turn to us for help. For example, now a woman comes in who has very little money, and I know about it, and I take less from her than from others. But she understands that working with a psychotherapist is her last hope, she is ready to pay almost her last money and works for them in a way that my other clients do not work for much more money. Can a person help himself with something during depression or a difficult moral state? People often tell me: you are a psychotherapist, which means you shouldn’t have any difficulties. But I’m not God, and sometimes I’m in a bad mood, and problems pile up. By the way, my clients feel better from such recognition. People idealize us in many ways: “Well, he knows everything, understands everything,” and then a person realizes that he is not alone with his troubles. We call this the normalization process. For example, when I’m in a bad mood, I go to the gym or remember my achievements, that I have something to be proud of. It helps me. Indeed, there are people who are very good at regulating themselves: someone starts doing breathing exercises, meditation, someone goes to a museum or a concert, everyone can find their own way. But if a person cannot cope on his own, then a psychotherapist helps him at first to at least reduce and ease the depressive state. The second stage is when a person learns to endure his own feelings. Recently, after a series of terrorist attacks and hostage-takings, the whole society seems to be experiencing extreme stress. How can you protect your psyche, how can you not give in to panic? It’s simple - turn on the TV less often. I myself had a case - after the explosion at Rizhskaya, in the morning in the car on the radio I heard an urgent message: a new explosion had occurred in Moscow. I have a family, two children, parents, a husband at work... It’s probably clear in what condition I was driving... And - a few minutes later, a new message: a gas cylinder exploded, somewhere in the market. To be honest, I don’t really understand why such tension is needed. So, if we cannot be protected at the state level, then we must take care of ourselves and explain to our children how to behave. But really, what can you do if, God forbid, you find yourself hostage? In Israel, all these techniques are taught in kindergarten in a playful way - for example, that when shots are fired, you need to run away like a snake; children perceive it as a game and remember it very well. We have now also started publishing some books on this topic. First of all, of course, it is necessary to comply with all the demands of the kidnappers and, no matter how difficult it may be, try to maintain composure. There is no need to look at them closely, but if possible, you can try to establish human contact with them; They are criminals, but still people. This way you can save your life, because it is known that it is more difficult to shoot at a person you know. If a person, say, has a pain in his leg, he goes to the doctor and believes that the doctor helped him if his leg stops hurting. How to evaluate the work of a psychotherapist? When does he consider that he has done his job? First of all, we try, together with the client, to very clearly formulate what he sees as the goal of our work and how he will feel that he has already achieved this goal. And it happens that after some time the person himself says: “Everything has improved, now I feel much better, I can live independently.” And then we say goodbye. True, it also happens that after a year or two, people come back and ask for help again. But much more often it turns out that after one problem another arises. One girl came to me and every time she talked about some trifles, about outfits, about acquaintances, who said what, how they looked, where they went. I tried many times to intervene, to clarify why she was telling all this, but it was impossible to interrupt her. And only two years later she decided to admit that she did not have a single friend, that more.