Anecdote. The family came to the restaurant, the waitress turns to the child: “What’s for you, young man?” “Hamburger and ice cream,” the boy answers. Here the mother intervenes: - He'll have a salad and a chicken cutlet, please. The waitress continues to address the boy: - Ice cream with chocolate or caramel? - Mom, mom! - the child screams, - Aunt thinks I’m real!!! How often do we have to deal with worries that we want to run away from??? When someone close to you seeks to “do good” that you did not ask for. Eat another piece when you're full. Or what diet, are you already thin? Dress warmly when it's not cold. Take with you a jar of something that you can’t stand, but is healthy. Pack your grandmother’s pie into an oversized suitcase, which you definitely won’t eat. At such moments, you simultaneously experience anger (I didn’t ask or I don’t love you, I don’t need it) and guilt (well, this is your mother, husband, girlfriend or other close, he’s trying). And these feelings are an accurate indicator that this is not really about caring. More precisely, it’s not about caring at all, because at this moment no one asks, what do you want? You are being deprived of your right to choose. Or they ask, but ignore it and do it their own way. They deprive you of the right to have your desires. This is such a small death, because I at the moment is my desire. If such “care” is not based on the desire of another person, this is violence. It is much more difficult to defend against such violence than against direct aggression, for example. We were all unloved as children, which is why we are so afraid of losing the love of our loved ones. What if he gets offended and leaves when I say that I don’t like something? You can fantasize about what motivates people who show such “concern”: the desire to be needed, irreplaceable, to get something in return, the inability to differentiate their and other people's needs, etc. But it is important to remember that you are only responsible for your feelings and desires. And they are not responsible for the feelings of another. It is very important to have boundaries even in the closest relationships and the right to defend them as best you currently know how. And it is very important to forgive yourself if you are not yet able to take care of yourself. True care always takes into account the wishes of another person and is based on respect, the ability to hear and take into account the needs of another, as well as your own. And, as a rule, such care evokes a feeling of gratitude..