Femininity and roles in a woman's life Today, on the eve of the women's holiday, we will talk about femininity and the roles that women perform during their lives, as well as how to maintain a balance between them so as not to get psychological problems due to a malfunction in their internal relationships. The idea to discuss this with you, as usual, came after several clients who got into unpleasant life stories precisely because of such a malfunction. Each has its own reasons for such a failure. And I always look for them with my clients on an individual basis. Each has its own child-parent story, history of female-male relationships, and so on. I will give you an example to understand how this works. The client said that she cheated on her husband. Her husband moved her and her son from her first marriage, whom he adopted, abroad. They waited for citizenship together. However, the woman decided that she no longer wanted to connect her life with this man. But he also doesn’t want to leave him until he receives citizenship. When we began to analyze their relationship and her view of this situation, it looked like this from her side: “I’m not a good woman, but I want to be happy, but my husband doesn’t give me this happiness, I don’t love him, I can’t live with him.” Want. However, he is a wonderful person, kind, generous, loving. And I feel sorry for him.” When analyzing the roles, the following was revealed - from childhood, the woman was raised in a family where her mother controlled her father, he listened to her and did everything she asked or demanded, putting pressure on him. As a result, the girl adopted this behavior towards all the men in her life; with her first husband, this scenario was also “played for an Oscar.” And then I found myself a new man, and again one who is easy to control. The problem arose due to the fact that in pursuit of this behavioral scenario of the mother, the woman ceased to carry femininity within herself, without which any woman withers like a flower. After the woman felt this loss of the feminine, she began to lose herself, her mood began to deteriorate, she was often sad, indifference appeared towards her husband, he began to irritate her, as a husband, as a man. And, it would seem, such a wonderful husband - live and be happy. But she switched roles with him, took a man’s position, began to put pressure on him and push him - to find a good job, to obtain citizenship, did not allow him to do it the way he sees it, and so on. Perhaps the husband would do all this himself if the woman allowed him to make his own decisions and act when he saw fit. However, the shift in gender roles did not allow the client to loosen her grip. As a result, she began to feel the same as her mother - disappointment in her husband as a man, indifference to him, the feeling that she could not be safe with him, and so on. What kind of work did we do with her? We worked on her femininity for a long time, pulled her out of it with “pincers”, worked in Art therapeutic techniques (drawing, body, with MAC cards, etc.), projective techniques, cognitive-behavioral techniques (acquiring skills of awareness of emotions, removing negative beliefs). And when the client looked at the situation from other angles, tried to take her husband’s place, worked on child-parent behavioral patterns, she realized that she did not want to divorce her husband, that there was a lot of masculinity in him, and he was not her father. She also realized her mistakes associated with the bias in the role of a man. This took 22 sessions. And this was her passionate work on personality, awareness of herself and her feminine qualities. As a result, the woman remained in the family, realized that her feelings for her husband had not gone away, the family recovered after the crisis. What is the conclusion? When a woman begins to play roles that are not hers, or goes too deep into one of her roles (mother, wife, lover, friend ), she loses a part of herself, loses the flexible ability to maneuver in situations, to look for the right exits. How to find this balance? It is necessary to work on understanding where this failure in roles occurs, what the consequences are and where it is possible and how to correct it. Happy New Year/