From the author: “Life has exactly the value that we want to give it” I. Bergman What happens when a person changes his attitude towards things or people to whom he was attached, when he begins to relate - another to a toxic relationship, realizing that they do not give anything good, he is only looking for love and acceptance, sacrificing his dignity. It is commonly said that eyes open or a shift in consciousness occurs. “I don’t need this anymore. I suddenly saw that the relationship I was clinging to with my teeth had no meaning. I was no longer interested in what he thought, where he walked, what he said. What was important was devalued, I looked at myself differently and I am grateful to him for that...” This is a quote from my client that I heard after two months of intensive therapy. Values ​​change. What is good and what is bad, what we pay attention to and what passes by. Values ​​in life determine the picture of the world, the “I” concept. They ultimately determine peace of mind. Their change indicates a change in outlook, a new stage in life. Something becomes important, something fades into the background, something depreciates. Moments of rethinking your attitude towards yourself and others can be seen in key phrases. “I clearly realized that I was participating in the rat race...” “You shouldn’t waste your life proving to yourself and others that you are not a camel...”. “I don’t have to love my mother, it’s my duty to care, but I have no control over the feeling of love and free myself from this obligation.” Such insights are usually followed by some important decision, which can be called a starting point. However, the will is still needed to bring it to life. I myself have gone through this more than once, experiencing conflicting feelings. At this moment you feel how time is turning another page. Old meanings disappear, giving rise to sadness about the frailty of everything, but new ones appear, slightly frightening and alluring with the unknown. It's difficult, finding new goals. They bring with them a restructuring of the mental structure, they demand something that you yourself don’t really understand yet, they force you to listen to yourself. Memory, out of habit, returns to the past, and you are surprised that you did not see things that are now obvious before. According to Søren Kierkegaard, values ​​make a person who he is. They determine the world in which he lives, build desires and, ultimately, guide his behavior. It happens that values ​​are not related to needs and self, and then a person becomes alienated from himself. In the language of existential psychology, he chooses an inauthentic life. An indicator of this usually unconscious state is the growing fear of death. It breaks through from the subconscious to give a signal: wake up, you can’t hear yourself. It is from here that all kinds of existential crises and searches for life’s meanings originate. A person's values ​​are a product of his beliefs. Belief systems are formed from learning, observation, experience, doubts and experiences. They determine behavior and reactions. All this works until one day the maladaptive strategies for interacting with reality become obvious, in other words, until you get tired of banging your head against the wall. Changes in beliefs occur through awareness, restructuring of behavior, overcoming habits and fear of the new self. There are no returns, only after the values ​​change. It often happens that after one or two meetings with a psychologist, a person solves a situational problem, understands specific relationships, and, after some time, again finds himself in similar circumstances. His energy is directed externally. The situation has changed, but he has not changed his views, which determine his style of communication. Beliefs and psychological mechanisms have not changed. Unconscious and unreflected secondary benefits continue to participate in the process. We do not have the skill and practice of self-awareness; this is not accepted in our culture. Feedback is lost.