In the article “Love will respond with Love,” he noted that Love is simple, because it is free from the shackles of the mind, but relationships between people can be complex. Well, today we’ll talk specifically about relationships. According to many psychologists, one of the most common initial requests from clients looks exactly like this: “what should I do to change my partner?” or “how to change her/him?” Today let’s take a closer look at the essence of this, at first glance, superficial and impossible desire, and consider an option that is designed to soften and transform this formulation into a more effective one and, most importantly, aimed at personal activity person. People, including often psychologists, vaguely understand what relationships are and how they work, and as a result, there is insufficient understanding of what can happen in relationships and how to do something about what is happening. There is actually an answer, and it is not hidden in the secret books of the sages, far from it, the most effective answer about relationships is given by a systematic approach. That is, an approach that considers relationships as a system and all the processes in them as processes of the system. To some extent, which by the way is very convenient, in a systems approach when considering the situation in relationships, the importance of an individual person is leveled out, because relationships are not considered from the position of convenience for everyone , but based on the integrity, functionality and health of the system, in which an individual person is only an element that in one way or another influences the system’s ability to exist safely. The desire to change a partner is dictated by a perception that considers each person in a relationship (in a couple) separately , this is an “ego approach” in which it turns out that two people are together, but as if they have nothing in common, nothing unites them into a whole, hence the desire, when some difficulties arise, to change something in the other person , this is a standard desire of the ego. However, the systemic approach, based on other principles, and the vision of the situation is different. One of the basic characteristics of any system is the dynamics of processes. System processes can be internal and external, in our example we are, of course, talking about internal processes. The dynamics of internal processes of a system are set by the elements of this system when they interact with each other. That is, dynamics are a consequence of the application of decision-making patterns and actions that are carried out by people in relationships. When the dynamics change, then the functionality of the system changes, that is, the result that the system creates changes. This is precisely where the nuance lies that allows you to switch a person from desire to change a partner to a more constructive model of behavior and his own search activity. A person must be made to understand that in order for the system to become more effective, it is not people who must change (not the elements of the system), but the dynamics of internal processes, that is: actions and decisions, but actions that change and decisions through the selection and implementation of new methods, schemes, technologies and sequences of actions. The basis for the formation of such new behavioral procedures, more adaptive and effective, should be the motive of improving the system, and not just achieving the maximum level of personal comfort (although no one has canceled personal comfort If this sounds complicated, I’ll repeat it to make it clearer: in order for a relationship to give a different result that will be more satisfying, it is not necessary to change people, but the dynamics of internal processes, that is: methods of decision-making and actions, the people themselves (both in pairs) - remain themselves. Thus, through changing the dynamics of internal processes, it is possible to change (improve) the functionality of the system (relationships) without changing the partner. Therefore, when a person has an idea and desire - to change the partner in order to change the relationship... one needs to shift the focus of perception of the situation and the logic of thinking in a new direction, in which there is no need to change a person, but only the dynamics of relationships (that is, decision-making patterns and actions). And in order to…