The article was written for one of the parent magazines. Difficult age: 2-4 years. At this age, the baby begins to realize that he has physical strength and tastes it. He gets to know her, teaches her how to manage and, most importantly, control. In addition, this is the period of the beginning of the manifestation of will and the development of aggression. Control and management of physical strength, will and aggression is rehearsed with the mother for 2 years (from 2 to 4). Physical strength It all starts with the fact that the baby begins to run especially actively, jump, push, throw things, climb, descend from heights, hold balance. The hallmark of the beginning of this age is changing direction while running. Previously, in order to make a turn, the baby had to stop. Now he is practicing changing direction while moving. This is how he learns to make precise choices: what to do and where to go, and put his strength into it. Willpower The formation of will and the right to choose begins with changes in the baby’s body. By about 2.5 years, voluntary swallowing and breathing are thoroughly consolidated, which gives him freedom of choice at the body level: what to swallow and what not, voluntary breathing helps him master speech. The baby begins to defend his choice, demanding the “right” breakfast, clothes, types of activities, routes. And he protests furiously if he doesn’t get his way. This protest is an attempt to restore emotional balance and get “what’s mine.” This is how the baby learns to maintain emotional balance and defend his choice at the same time. Aggression is your strength. The baby learns through his mother to respect and appreciate his anger. The leitmotif of these relationships is whether the child can remain loved and respected by those people whom he opposes. Typically this opposition manifests itself in behavior that is considered “bad.” The baby bites, fights, expresses anger. It is important for him to learn that it is possible and normal to be angry and love the same person. This is the age of mastering these two opposing emotions. Successful development allows the child to further defend himself in conflicts with peers and maintain respect for them and himself. Rule breakers At this age, the child establishes control over prohibited and permitted activities. No-actions and no-objects, i.e., acquire particular relevance. what you shouldn’t do and what you shouldn’t touch. The baby runs around the kitchen and touches non-objects. He knows about the prohibition and that is why he touches. And this is not “disobedience.” This is training of willpower and one’s own boundaries of what is permitted, the right to choose independent actions. The trainer is still the mother, who says “no!” a thousand times a day. Later, the baby himself will learn to say “no!” to himself when doing something forbidden, and to say “no!” others who violate his interests. Mom’s position or how to survive. Of course, this age is a test of mom and her patience. And it is patience that I want most of all. It is worth accepting that this behavior of your beloved baby is a natural stage of his development. And it must be experienced. The baby is still testing the world and himself through his mother. And how his mother treats his manifestations of himself, so he will probably treat himself and others. Children's playground. Instructions for use The first thing that is important for a baby is the development and maintenance by the mother of his physical activity. More precisely, creating a safe space for the baby to move. Let him run as much as he needs, but make sure that the place where he runs is safe. If you see that he might stumble or fall somewhere, just show him what worries you and explain that it is dangerous here. Maybe stand nearby for a while to make sure your baby can see where he's running. If he deliberately tries to go where he “shouldn’t”, turn the no-action into a choice. I see that you are going where it is dangerous. And you can continue to do this, but then you might get hurt. Think about it, do you need this? Kids usually tend to climb a lot and high in the playground. Let them climb. Mom's task is to createmake this opportunity safe. For example, a baby likes to climb high stairs. Offer him this option. Stand behind your baby and be ready to catch him if he starts to fall and give him instructions: you start climbing up when I tell you: “I’m ready. You can climb.” And be sure to praise him how clever and strong he is, and tell him how much you love him. The baby will be grateful to you for the opportunity and safety, proud of himself that everything worked out for him, and he took the desired peak. About prohibitions Prohibitions are the boundaries of your relationship. When a child learns to observe and respect the boundaries set in his family, he will be able to set, respect and protect boundaries in the peer group, both his own and the group as a whole. And here, for my taste, the fewer prohibitions, the better. For example, in our family there are 2 no-actions (we are talking about the age of 2-4 years): we do not destroy the space in which we live, and we do not destroy ourselves and each other friend. That is, you can’t destroy a house, you can’t beat each other and yourself. And 2 no-items: gas and electricity. Mom’s actions in case of boundary violation: confidently stop the baby in action and confidently say, stop, no, they don’t do that in our house. And “confident” is the key word here. In other cases, it makes sense to make a choice out of a prohibition. The same can be done with the rules of behavior on the street: for example, we always walk together, cross the road hand in hand, when you climb somewhere, make sure I’m nearby, I’m ready I support you too. It makes sense to repeat the “street” rules when leaving home. The baby may not remember them. Am I angry or honesty comes first? The baby may deliberately make you angry to make sure that you love him even when you are angry. He needs this in order to later be angry and respect himself as such. It is important here to distinguish between anger as an experience and an expression of anger. We talk about anger as an experience. First of all, it is normal to be angry. Secondly, it is important to admit this to the baby. When you do that, I get angry at you. And I love. In my opinion, it’s important to say I’m angry AND I love. I’m angry, but I love, I’m angry, but I still love, I love, despite not being angry - these formulations a priori form a negative attitude towards anger as an emotion. And it is important in life both for protecting yourself and as a source of energy. Therefore, when your baby is angry, recognize his right to aggression: I see that you are angry, and this is normal. The baby will learn to contain aggression* and cope with it - an important skill in establishing relationships with peers, resolving conflicts, and defending one’s opinion. If it is important for your child to express aggression, come up with a way of expression for him, based on your family's rules and no-actions. For example, hitting a sofa or pillow, drawing and tearing what was drawn. * Containing aggression is a person’s ability to experience a certain intensity of aggression, remaining in contact with it, without isolating or denying it, and without destroying oneself, others and space. The right of choice and the right of property Relate with respect for the baby's choice. Naturally, if it does not threaten his life and health. Let him choose his food and clothes, where to go, the toys he wants to take with him. If from your point of view it is uncomfortable, cold, hot, etc. again, tell your child about it and again give him a choice. For example, in this dress you will be uncomfortable, it is big and will hinder your movement. Think about what is more important to you now, inconvenience or dress. The baby will weigh the possibilities for some time and make a choice. Agree with him, inconvenient means inconvenient. I respect your choice. And a separate topic is the ownership of toys. Dear adults, if you still think that sharing your toys in the sandbox is okay, share your phone, laptop, computer, car with someone. After all, sharing is normal. Many will consider this absurd. And they will be right. If a child does not want to share a toy, that is his right! He doesn't have to! Defend your child's rights in the sandbox! He will learn to stand up for himself.