If you’re reading this article, it means, my dear reader, a crisis has come in your life, but that’s only half the story, I’m 100% sure that you’ve already screwed up with your wife and your importance is below the baseboard. She made complaints to you and voiced for many years what she didn’t like in the relationship, but you didn’t want to listen to it, and thought that everything would be fine as before. Therefore, my dear reader, you must understand that applying for divorce is her conscious decision. She wanted to fix everything, perhaps in recent years she had doubts and anxieties about this, but she could not cope with them, so she decided to break up and will follow it 100% as much as possible! But I would definitely note that there is a chance to restore the relationship, and the main thing is not to mess things up even more, because in this case everything needs to be done correctly and with pinpoint precision! So, what a man should not do after his wife files for divorce: 1) Aggression , accusations, manipulation For both partners, this is truly a huge stress, considering that, according to statistics, couples who get divorced have been married for 5-7 years. Of course, most men begin to get angry, blame their wife for everything, and raise their hands against her. Also, very often men begin to manipulate, according to the type that if she does not return, he will commit suicide, ruin her life, etc. You shouldn’t do this, you need to behave like a man, although it will be difficult, but if you accept it with dignity, then she will think ten more times about leaving you or not. 2) It’s logical to explain everything to her. You can explain to her all the advantages and cons of her decision, telling her that nothing good will come of it and she won’t find a better person than you. You can give examples of relatives, friends and parents who went through a divorce, that supposedly nothing good came of it, but nothing will affect the wife, because she had enough time to think logically and make decisions that it was better for her after all without you.3) Drinking alcohol I don’t mind sometimes drinking a glass of red wine in the evening before bed, but still, you shouldn’t get carried away. This is of course none of my business, but you can make a lot of mistakes when you're drunk. For example, calling your wife drunk and declaring your love, being rowdy, beating and tracking down her boyfriends, throwing tantrums, kneeling, etc. 4) Trying to bribe your wife with flowers and gifts This is probably the most basic mistake of most men, as soon as a woman starts move away, men run for flowers and gifts, take out loans for new iPhones, buy cars, subscriptions to the best fitness gyms, and then wonder why his wife cheated on him with a trainer from the gym?! In fact, these investments of resources into a woman who is moving away further lower your importance in her eyes. Your importance during her filing for divorce is 70/30% in her favor. Your importance when you decide to bribe her with gifts and flowers is 95/5 % in her favor 5) Try to influence her through mutual friends, parents or relatives Very often in my consultations I hear stories from men that after their wife leaves they run to her parents and beg them to somehow influence her. I believe that relationships are still something intimate. There is no need to involve third parties in your relationship, you need to resolve all issues yourself or turn specifically to specialists: psychologists, psychotherapists, coaches... But as a rule, you can blame me for listing what is impossible not to do. After all, divorce is very stressful and very rarely men perceive this period adequately. Of course, I understand, my dear reader, that you have already made all these mistakes, you have failed the balance of importance 100/0 in favor of your wife, she has blocked you everywhere, she has a terrible rejection of you, and you are looking on the Internet in search of a magic pill or pendal information in the hope of fixing everything. So, before taking any action toTo return your wife, you must follow the recommendations given below! First, improve your emotional state. You must accept the fact that she has already left, realize that the worst has happened and it can’t get any worse. I'm sure your separation was preceded by emotions, and you, of course, did not want her to leave. There's nothing more to worry about. She's gone! Now, in order to return her, you need to be calm, think soberly and judiciously. This is infinitely difficult to do, but it is necessary. I would advise you to go to a psychotherapist or psychologist. Communicate more with loved ones or friends, go in for sports, etc. Also, from the experience of my consultations with clients, I can accurately conclude that after your wife told you she was leaving, you severely reduced your importance and dropped your balance even more significance. Surely you started running after her with flowers, the poet and romantic awakened in you, you began to meet her from work in a car, which you had never done before, or you invited a guitarist friend to sing serenades under the windows, and you drove up on a tower and into the window handed her flowers. It’s just romance, but in reality you will only make it worse, you will lower your importance even more, you will become disgusting and unpleasant to her. It’s better to do nothing and move on to the second stage! Second – Self-reflection (action plan) When you are already calm, think and react not under the pressure of your emotional state, you need to analyze the situation, understand the reason for what happened, draw up an action plan! All reasons come together to one thing - she no longer needs you, is uninteresting. If before she needed you (just as you needed her), now only you need her. You miss communication, everyday life, sex (emphasize what is necessary), but not her. At this stage, you need to understand why this happened, where the balance of significance was upset and what state it is in now. Perhaps she is to blame, or you, but it doesn’t matter, the main thing is to understand the essence of the situation and analyze everything with a sober, cold mind! Third - Divorce procedure I don’t want to go into details, I’m not a lawyer, but you need to sort out everyday life, how to see your children and when, alimony, etc. Child support must be sent exactly on the day assigned and when sending, keep the receipts or sign “Child support.” It is necessary to show your wife in the most environmentally friendly way that she is dependent on you financially. When the general recommendations have been completed, then we proceed to actions to return your wife! The first method is “Amortization letter according to Litvak.” Below is an example of the method of an amortization letter to a girl, you should not send it right away , but it’s better to consult, it works well, but is not suitable for all cases. So, example: Boris sent Snezhana a depreciation letter, they lived as a family for 4 years, after which she left him, the balance of significance was disrupted long ago, namely, the last two years, he tried to buy her with gifts: a car, a watch, an expensive phone. He spoiled her so much and skewed her balance that she began to develop a terrible rejection of him. Further, after 3 weeks of ignoring his ex (in this case, this was exactly what was needed, a rare exception!) he wrote her the following message, using the amortization correspondence method: Snezhana, you are absolutely right that you stopped our meetings, living together and left the family . Thank you for the pleasure that you gave me, apparently out of pity, all these years. You played so skillfully that I didn’t doubt for a second that you loved. You captivated me, and I could not help but respond to your, as I then believed, feeling of love for me. There wasn't a single false note in it. I’m not writing this to get you to come back. Now this is no longer possible! If you say you love me again, how can I believe? Now I understand how difficult it was for you to not love me, and to behave this way. And one last request. Try not to meet with me or get in touch even on business. We need to get used to it. They say time heals, although I still find it hard to believe. Goodbye, Belchonok. I wish you happiness! The girl’s reaction to thisthe message should be as follows: she should speak out, justify herself, reproach in response, and since there is a ban, and forbidden fruit is always sweet, write messages and call herself! But it also happens differently, people are all different and each breakup ended in its own way, on She may not respond to such a message, she may remain silent. But such a message will have an effect in any case, the main thing is to add a couple of joint photos to it that brought you closer together. Snezhana’s answer followed: “Now it’s extremely easy to accuse me of lack of feelings all the time.” I'm not that good an actress. - And good luck to you. - And time does not heal. It just dulls the feelings. - It’s not easy for me either. You can’t erase 4 years of life in one fell swoop. - But it will be better this way. - Everyone. - And you shouldn’t talk about feelings, if they had existed, they wouldn’t have let me go in life. As we see, there was no result right away. But a week later I received this message: “I shouldn’t be writing, but I want to speak out.” I miss you and I miss you. Murzik is missing (This is the name of their joint pet - a cat). Our evening gatherings. Your whole family. And living together. I realized this only a month later. Goodbye, Little Bear! Your drawing is always with me. As we see, ignoring (in this case, exception!) and the depreciation letter had an effect, but this does not mean that this is all, she returned, this is only one of the first stages, because each girl is individual, with with their thinking and character, and separation goes differently for everyone, so each girl needs her own strategy. The second method is Competent distancing! If you have children together or a common business, then distancing will help you. During distancing, you need to separate from your wife, give her and yourself freedom, and communicate closely and well with your children. If you are a good father, see each other often, communicate and raise children, then this serves as a good bonus for returning your wife to the family! First stage As soon as your wife told you that she has ended her feelings for you or she has found someone else, there are many reasons...., you need to tell her, or write the following text: “(Wife’s name) thank you for deciding to take such a step and telling me that you want to break up with me, I agree with you, you will never be with me now together, we can just be friends, I wish you to find your man with whom you will be happy!” Then you need to act depending on her answer, in this case she will wish the same for you. In some, not particularly advanced cases, the girl will be shocked that you changed your mind and decision regarding her so quickly. Just recently I was crawling on my knees, and now you’re telling her that everything is fine, we can be friends. At the very least, this will surprise her, and after the emotion of surprise, the emotion of interest always appears. Second stage At the second stage, distancing begins. If your ex starts telling you that she is communicating with a guy, asks you for advice, and perhaps even moved in with him and is trying to discuss her relationship with him with you... Here you need to cut everything off right away: “(name of ex ), this is your personal relationship, you have the right to do whatever you want, decide for yourself, I don’t want to discuss it, if it doesn’t work out with this guy, you’ll find another!” In general, distancing is a method of testing the situation. It's like how a jab works in boxing. You feel the distance, work with the jab, and then you see that the opponent opened up and gave him a right hand. You communicate with your ex strictly on business, within the boundaries that you yourself defined in this interaction. The main thing is not to mess up! There is no need to remember the past in your relationship, hint that you want to return to her, give gifts, etc. There was probably a reason for her leaving you. You probably drink often, try to control her, are jealous of every post. Or maybe you are really unbearable, you have a difficult character and over many years she is tired of putting up with you. In this case, when you start another dialogue, or in messages, you write to her: “(name of ex), imagine, I made an appointment with a psychologist, – 89889503507!