Once upon a time there was a girl. She saw violence. Dad drank and periodically beat mom. There weren't binges every day, but there were some. Mom endured. Where is she without a man, because children must have a father, and what will people say? Mom believed that she could fix everything, love is a strong feeling - he will change. Yes, mom was a victim who could not, but rather chose not to leave. Too little strength, too many attitudes and personal traumas. But no one knew, not even she herself, that in each victim there unconsciously lurks an unrecognized strength, a feeling of importance and power (its secondary benefit). After all, a mother’s strategy is to change someone else, to endure for the sake of the children. And there really is a lot of power in this. Unfortunately, for every masochistic part there will be a tyrannical one. Unfortunately, for every victim there is an aggressor. And in this game, everyone plays out their injuries, feeds on their own benefits. But what about the girl? The girl lives and sees a model of a family that clings to her head with its claws. For her, this model is a comfort zone. It’s familiar here, despite the fact that it’s very bad. The girl is trying to save her mother, trying to be good for her dad and also trying to change him. After all, if he changes, they will finally live calmly and joyfully. Moreover, the mother’s behavior is accepted as correct and proper, only the father undergoes changes. The girl has grown into a beautiful girl. She has fans. She is smart and inquisitive. She even understands that her mother should not have endured it and is angry with her father. And so, when entering into a relationship, a girl does not choose someone with whom she will be calm. She does not choose someone who takes care of her, loves and respects her. She builds a relationship with someone who needs to be changed, saved, achieved, proven that she is worthy of being loved. After all, if she proves this, the gestalt will close. Childhood trauma will be resolved. And it’s a pity that it’s impossible to do it this way. For her, being in such a relationship is a comfort zone, a norm that sits firmly somewhere in her head. They are familiar and understandable. No matter how hard it is. Our psyche doesn’t care whether we feel bad or not. She strives for consistency, for what is familiar to us. She strives to complete, to overcome injuries. No matter how sad it may sound. Ps instead of a girl there could be a boy. It doesn't matter at all. I described only one of the behavior strategies. I know the scenario can be changed. Put yourself at the center of your life