From the author: double message He is worried that a lot of money will be spent on the upcoming wedding (the amount is not small), if he pays for it, he will be left without savings and will start living on credit . If she refuses, she will be offended and he will hurt her, so he is tormented by anxiety, fear and even some kind of horror. He is very unfair, because she gave him a choice, she is so good: - But I had a choice, because she told me that “if you don’t want, there will be no wedding.” - No, you had no choice. - Like this? she said “if you don’t want it, there won’t be a wedding,” I don’t understand you. After some explanation (commentary) about the real situation, he was still in some shock - such horror and confusion in one place. His face expressed many feelings at once, he stopped breathing, his eyes peered into the empty distance... I get up, pour a glass of water, bring it to him and tell him in an orderly tone: “Drink water.” He was taken aback, he was even about to take the glass to drink some water... hesitated and refused: “No, I don’t want to drink!” If you don’t want to drink water, you don’t have to drink it. What happened next was colored by some revival and defrosting, and my comment came at the right time and became accessible to his mind. He left the consultation without fear and horror, but still a little confused and thoughtful, although he said, with some confidence in his voice: - It seems to me that now in my life, a lot will begin to change. (published with the client’s permission) ps a little comment on the post: “Which of us Have you ever heard or never uttered the following phrase: “I want you to make your own decisions”? It would seem a wonderful phrase that requires a person to be independent, but this is not so. In reality, this harmless phrase contains a so-called double message. the first part of it (especially if a tone that does not tolerate objections is used) of the “I want” part actually contains an order, and the second gives permission for independence. It turns out to be some kind of command independence. A person who hears this phrase actually falls into a logical trap, since everything that he does himself will initially be an order of the person who spoke the phrase. I remember one cartoon where a girl defeated an evil wizard by telling him: “I want you not to fulfill this wish of mine.” From the life of Alexander Archagov"