It happens that a person feels devastation, apathy, powerlessness, and various illnesses come upon him. It was as if “all the energy was gone.” And at first glance it is not always clear what this may be connected with? But when such a person comes for a consultation with a psychologist, already at the first meeting it turns out that at some point in his life he abandoned himself (his feelings, desires, aspirations , values) for the sake of other people. This could happen for a variety of reasons. But most often, those people in whose favor the renunciation of oneself occurred are the closest ones - parents, spouses, children. Examples from practice. Lyudmila, 48 years old. I came to see her because of increased anxiety, depressed mood, and loss of meaning in life. Health problems began. Outwardly, everything seemed to be in order: Lyudmila has a home, a caring, understanding husband, income, work. When I asked Lyudmila to imagine her emotional state in the form of an image, she said that it was some kind of huge burden, like a stone that was crushing above. I ask the client to identify with the image of the stone. Let's start a dialogue. - Tell me, stone, why are you putting pressure on Lyudmila? - I'm testing her strength. So that life doesn’t seem like raspberries to her. She was born into this world to look after others. Lyudmila began to cry and said that she was a late child in the family. When she was in 4th grade, her mother began to have serious health problems, and her father often allowed himself to drink too much. Luda had to do a lot of homework. Almost all of the girl’s free time was occupied with household chores; she very rarely managed to just have fun and hang out with her friends. Lyudmila also said that due to the fact that she was constantly afraid to leave her mother, she got married very late and has no children. Several years ago, my mother died, and she continues to care for her sick father. I asked Lyudmila to imagine that part of her personality that feels the pressure of this heavy stone. It turned out to be a small, crooked and very ugly girl. I ask the client to identify with this image. - Tell me, baby, what decision did you make when this heavy stone began to put pressure on you? - Life is very complex and difficult. You need to be strong, always take the blow. And I have to help everyone. - What did you give up by making such a decision? - From your life.... Here Lyudmila realized that she really lived all her life for the sake of other people: for the sake of her parents, for the sake of her relatives. She still helps all members of their large family, who often turn to her for help. Another example: Elena, 55 years old. I came to see her about apathy and devastation. 2 years ago her husband died. Elena said that she and her husband lived for about 30 years. “I seemed to disappear into him. I always lived according to his orders. I still think: “What would my husband say to me now? Will he approve of my action or not? Will he like what I’m doing now or not?” I have the impression that I have lost my face, I no longer know who I really am. It's hard for me to understand, what do I want? What I need? It’s like my husband continues to run my life, and I’m afraid of doing something wrong” - What is your emotional state like? - Like a large, smoothly hewn concrete slab. - Slab, what are you doing for Elena? - I’m holding it so as not to towered. So that you don’t imagine too much about yourself. Otherwise, she will become proud. - How long ago did you come to Elena? - Since childhood. - What did Elena give up then? - From her opinion. Please introduce the girl who first got this stove. This is Lenochka, approximately 7-8 years old. When a client identifies with the image of a girl, she immediately feels a very light, pleasant energy. Elena says that she was a very creative girl, loved to draw, was very sociable and active. I was always an activist at school and tried to participate in everything. To the question: who are you doing this for? – the girl replied: “For my mother... I want to earn my mother’s love.” Here Elena said that they often had scandals at home. No, no one little girl.