From the author: Generally speaking, this article is devoted to the topic of help. Why do we sometimes feel deep displeasure when receiving or giving help? Sometimes we even regret our actions, although we tried our best. Help can be different, that’s why it evokes such conflicting feelings and what actually is help and what is a “pig”? As you guessed, dear reader, the title of the article uses a well-known move - there is no punctuation mark. And this is where to put this sign, the decision of each individual person, including in relation to himself, as in the phrase “execution cannot be pardoned” taken as a basis here. Often we become our own executioners. What is help? The Russian mentality is such that help is often understood as a synonym for the word “pity”. If you think carefully about any situation in which you received pity as help, you will understand that “such help”, if it calmed you down, did not give you any strength , no confidence. Such “support” is equivalent to zero, and in some cases it takes you into the minus, because it acts like anesthesia, freezing awareness. They stroked the head and ... calmed down, that is, stopped acting, moving forward. Alas, but more than one generation of Russians has grown up on such a substitution, when pity is tantamount to help or even love. Loving, he is supportive, giving the opportunity to develop. So, a helping parent is not the one who will do everything for the one shouting “I myself!” child, but the one who will give him such an opportunity. A lover is not the one who will give ready-made benefits, but will support him on the path of joint development. A true friend will say “You will succeed!”, will believe in you and will be there until you interesting together. One day he may leave or you may decide to leave. This is a choice worthy of respect. The best thing that people can give each other as help is not pity, but respect and supportive faith in a person. Very often people come to a psychologist’s office precisely for this love, the love that they did not receive in childhood, and after all, all you need is for people to believe in you and support your timid first steps. In one of the articles I already raised this topic, referring to the origin of the word “pity.” https://www.b17.ru/article/98538/Pity stings, that is. the one who is pitying stings the one who needs help. Such “help” is akin to the Russian expression “to put a pig in.” (I don’t at all want to discredit the symbol of the coming year!). By the way, according to dictionaries, this expression is more likely about the pig that was called a wedge in The Battle of Alexander Nevsky on the Ice. This is the wedge (pig) that the Livonians called a special formation of troops. In general, the German knights failed to win the battle on Lake Peipsi by putting a pig. Their pig literally fell through - under the ice! I will return to this topic, especially since the pig literally nose. So, help is based on respect for another, which begins with self-respect, on support and faith in a person’s capabilities, and a sting is good with a sting inside. A sting takes us to our childish infantile state. We were sorry, we patted you on the head and you were already swimming , somehow it’s warmer and you don’t want to do anything anymore and that’s it, there’s no movement, but it’s calmer for those who regret it. He, the one who regrets, has become more confident from your inaction, he is so calmer. We encounter a similar situation when people with innovative ideas appear in an organization, in a community or in a family (in other words, in the system). They are children, in the best and healthiest way possible. understanding of this word and are ready to take risks. But numerous “Parents” accumulate around them, ready to stop their ideas at any moment, because it is calmer and more convenient for them. This behavior is demonstrated by both real parents and people playing this role (see Bern’s games). Such a miracle child, be it real, be it a mature person, a creator in his essence! God is a child, because only living Children can create worlds, and only they can dare to put a punctuation mark where they want, and not where they were told. PS Once upon a time when I was a schoolgirl I had an argument with my teacher!