Today I want to write about the phenomenon of “replacement child”. For those who want to delve deeper into this topic, I recommend M. Poro’s book “The Replacement Child.” As is already clear from the title, a child, called a replacement, must replace someone. Replacement children are children born “in replacement” of a deceased child, or children on whom parents entrusted the role of the deceased after the death of a brother or sister. Sometimes this can take obvious forms - a new child can even be named after the deceased, constantly saying that he is - its copy. Sometimes this happens more smoothly: “You must live your life for two,” “You must be as wonderful as your brother.” Why is this quite traumatic for the surviving child? - As a rule, this phenomenon occurs when the mother has not experienced grief from the loss of a previous child. In this regard, the mother cannot normally perform functions related to the emotional development of a living child. Often the parents of such children fall into prolonged depression. - The child feels guilty. For being alive. For not being able to replace the parents of a deceased sibling. Because he is not good enough. - Parents of such children often idealize the deceased child. And in comparison with a living child who makes mistakes, is disobedient, etc., the living one often loses. - Due to the feeling of their own imperfection, such children throughout their lives try to achieve the love of their parents and in every possible way to console them in their grief. It turns out that such a child is obviously deprived of the opportunity to live his own full life. What to do in this situation? If you are the parent of a deceased child (whether it is a miscarriage or an early death) and understand that you cannot survive grief for a child, then it is best to seek help from a specialist. Remember that by doing this you will not only improve your own life, but also provide an opportunity another life for your living or future children. Also, working with a specialist is recommended for those people who are in the role of this child (regardless of your age, if you need help getting out of this role).