Based on one consultation The fact that many of our failures in adulthood come from childhood, it would seem, is beyond doubt. At the same time, they usually complain not even about the teenage period, when everything in the surrounding life is “convex and aggravated,” but about the first childhood impressions of the relationship with mom and dad. In any case, many of my clients appeal to them, complaining that when it was necessary, their parents, whom they still love, did not give them the necessary boost of self-confidence. And, of course, that parental warmth, with the feeling of which a person probably lives until the end of his days. If it was. If not, then he constantly suffers, trying to make up for lost time, although it is impossible to return it. A person who was taught in childhood that he is “second-class” may evoke sympathy, but it is unlikely to evoke sincere respect. One who commands respect is the one who, feeling that the support of his parents from childhood is chronically lacking, persistently seeks a solution to the problem and strives to get rid of the “inferiority complex.” My new client, a girl whose age has recently crossed 25, complains that lack of confidence in her abilities is terribly interfering with her life. At the same time, externally, everything seems to look quite decent. There is a husband with whom they have been living for many years (at the same time, the marriage, when it suddenly shook, they managed to maintain on their own), a child, a job that, perhaps, does not bring much joy, but at least a stable income. Come on, what else?! But something is missing. In practice, this uncertainty is reflected in the fact that any remark, whether it comes from parents with whom he has not lived for a long time, at home from his husband, but especially at work, leads to complete confusion, emotionally suppresses, forces him to “pick himself up” for a long time and persistently. " This self-examination, long in time and difficult in terms of emotions, does not bring much results; for a while, the pain of resentment subsides, but only until better times. As soon as the situation repeats itself, everything comes back again: self-doubt, thoughts about one’s inadequacy, tears into the pillow. And, most importantly, there is an understanding that all these experiences are in vain: “People live for themselves and don’t think about such questions. They don’t have any complexes, and they consider all my experiences frivolous!” At the same time, one should not think that there are no attempts to cope with the situation. Probably, everything from a woman’s arsenal is used: shopping, which is sure to lift your spirits and make you forget about your imaginary insignificance, and reading specific literature, and watching films where this topic is raised in one way or another (one “The most charming and attractive” is worth it!), and conversations with friends, who can hardly be called happier. However, the most “deadly” part of these “searches” are visits to parents. She is “waiting and waiting” for them to “see the light” and suddenly understand that they treated her, unlike, for example, her younger brother, “wrong”, that they did not give her the feeling of being “loved, the only, closest and dearest." But this is not the case, parents believe that they did everything for their child (they went for walks, took them to clubs, bought roller skates) and sometimes even accuse them of ingratitude. She, understanding intellectually that a “miracle” will not happen, emotionally, at the level of feelings, still believes that “it will suddenly happen.” He believes everything! Let’s not disappoint her, but even if this suddenly happens, it is psychologically more correct to believe that “parents will never see the light.” Accept this, forgive if possible, and continue to communicate and interact with them at the level at which this is only possible. And what else?! Such a sad situation has its advantages. If your needs for parental warmth remain unmet, then this is a signal that you will definitely pass on such an invaluable resource to your children. Although, it is quite possible that they will never understand this “sacrifice”, since they will receive it without any effort, like.