In my favorite Russian film “Demon” (2008), the main character, psychotherapist Nastya, meeting her fiancé, standing in front of the mirror, asks: “Mask, what mask? Oh, of course - a loving woman!” And the groom, proposing to her, finds out that she has already bought invitation cards for their wedding... “I don’t understand,” he exclaims in amazement. “Did you know????” - Well, of course, stupid... And he turns his gaze to his old photographs, which the “loving woman” carefully inserted into frames... “Lord! Just a year ago - I was a different person!” “Marrying you??? This is not my decision! You are leading me! Who have you turned me into?” - You are now in a leadership position, you quit smoking... You have become a better person! “I didn’t! This is not my life! It’s like I was castrated!” And leaves... Why does this happen? Why does the person with whom we (smart, experienced) fall in love often turn out to be completely different from who he pretended to be at the very beginning of our relationship? And why doesn’t he want to “improve”, that is, get closer to our level... Doesn’t he want to become “equal” to us? Instead of gratitude for what we did for him? It's about the social Mask..."False Self" - in the terminology of Stephen Wolinsky..."All the problems that men and women face in their relationships are as old as the hills. They remain the same as they were thousands of years ago.. “Only our thoughts and words change” (Stephen H. Wolinsky) And now - an example from life... A guy and a girl are dating... She is 25, and her “ex” just dumped her... He is 35. Divorced . The “mean first wife” not only left and took his daughter, but also deprived him of parental rights... She forbade him, the “loving father,” from meeting his child... We met on social networks, where he is a “website developer.”. And the strangely bent one back - “I was a weightlifter, I took on excess weight”... What Mask does the man have? Wealthy, smart, mature, but...unappreciated by his first wife... And the girl decides not only to “pity” the unfortunate man, but also to prove her love with all her might! She proved it... Pregnancy... A wedding - which turned out to be strangely modest... And after the marriage it turned out that her husband had an incurable rheumatoid disease... And it was also hereditary... He - by this time - had already received 3 (working!) disability group and - when a child is born - puts on a new mask “Dying Patient”... And with all his might he supports the image of the Patient - that is, at the slightest deterioration in health - he calls an ambulance... (medics, when they arrive to a call, they swear; there are no signs of the need for hospitalization...) It doesn’t work. He flirts all night on social networks (after all, he is a “Website Developer”), and then complains of insomnia and sleeps until lunch... The child is raised by her mother-in-law... The mother, faced with poverty - when the girl was 1.5 years old - takes the child away from the breast - and goes to work... Now the child is 4 years old... But she looks like 3... The girl is very obedient and silent... For 2 years of being in kindergarten, she did not say a single word to the teachers... She speaks only at home - at the level of "babble"... The doctors' diagnosis is "delayed mental and speech development"... And the girl's mother - when communicating with her husband (whom she calls "Beloved, Darling, Daddy") and her mother - also wears mask “Little Scared Me” (this is at 28 years old???) Wears a hat with “ears”... Photo - from the Internet! Agree - such a headdress looks normal on teenagers, or on 20-year-old girls... And if you are 28, then this is the image of a “Woman - a girl” who finds herself a “Daddy” (as in our case - not always wealthy!) - and lives with him until she grows up (or finds a richer Daddy )... The story of Little Red Riding Hood repeats itself... Here the Red Riding Hood is not “eaten”, but simply subjugated... But there is still only one way out... In this situation, most of all...