How to understand whether a relationship is good or not? At first glance, it seems that the answer is obvious. But this is not always the case, especially if you constantly convince yourself that “this is how everyone lives.” Who is responsible for everything? In a harmonious relationship, each partner is responsible for his own life, the realization of desires and the satisfaction of needs. It is clear that desires and needs are partially fulfilled precisely thanks to relationships. But if you get out of them, then a catastrophe in life will not happen. In destructive relationships, a clear imbalance is visible. For example, a woman chooses a man suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction, and constantly saves him, pulling the whole family on herself. At the same time, he endures violence and humiliation, hoping that just a little more and he will definitely cope with his addiction. But for some reason it still doesn’t work out for him. FreePik Do partners know the boundaries of both their own and others? In an adequate relationship, you know what is acceptable for you and your partner and what is not. Each of you has the right to say “no” and can do it tactfully, knowing that he will be understood. In destructive relationships, personal boundaries are violated. The situation, as a rule, looks like this: one “dissolves” in the other, forgetting over time about himself, his desires and needs, his plans and dreams, living the life of a partner. While the other one ceases to value, respect and deprives him of the “right to vote”. Who is mommy/daddy here? In each of us there lives a “child”, a “parent” and an “adult”. The question is who is more numerous and whether these roles can be “switched on” at the right time and in the right place. There are no families without disagreements. When a husband and wife talk from the “adult” position, a solution is found, albeit not always easily. “Child” and “parent” are united in dependent relationships. The first feels good, cozy and carefree at the beginning, while the second enjoys power. If this continues for a long time, then the “child” will no longer be allowed to gain independence, and all his attempts will be harshly suppressed. I can talk about my feelings and express them If the expression of feelings and emotions, both positive and negative, is legalized in a couple, then everyone feels, that one may not wear masks and be accepted as one is “both in joy and in sorrow.” This only brings you closer, makes the relationship more trusting and warm. Dependent relationships are the complete opposite. Showing true feelings and emotions is prohibited and unsafe. The result of this is an ever-growing tension, which is spontaneously released through uncontrollable scandals over trifles, violence, etc. FreePik Call a translator In a couple where there is an opportunity to safely express thoughts and feelings, there is no need to “beat around the bush.” If there is an unspoken ban on this in the family, then the spouses have to check their words, choose a convenient time, speak in hints, try to manipulate. And if the messages also contradict each other, then a “double message” results. If this is a frequent occurrence in the family, then chronic stress is guaranteed. Life “under lock and key” In a dysfunctional family, you gradually lose contact with other people. This is how those who can provide support disappear from your life. At some point you realize that there is no one in the “access zone” with whom you can share what is on your heart, without fear that you will not be understood and judged. Can I leave? Ideally, the relationship continues because everyone has a clear understanding of what is good about them, there is development and there is a future. And if it happens that the paths diverge, then life will not stop. In dependent relationships there is a feeling that things are bad in them, and without them it will be even worse. You may think that your partner will be lost without you and continue to play the rescuer. Or you are afraid that you will not be able to live on your own. Of course, in such a situation, the fear of leaving is stronger than the pain of continuing the relationship. What to do if you understand that the relationship is destructive? This question is complex and multifaceted, so that it can be answered in a couple of paragraphs. No matter what life +7 966 876 2020