Why do we suffer? I don’t mean an acute reaction to a one-time difficult event: the death of a loved one, divorce.... but chronic (daily) torment in a relationship. For what?? Just thoughts... Many people have probably heard about the game of Persecutor, Victim and Rescuer, which was first described by Stephen Karpman. You can often hear the words that to radically change the quality of life you need to quit the game! I don’t like this presentation, and in this article I will tell you Why, using the example of the role of the Victim! So! What don’t I like about the formulations: “You play the Role of the Victim”, or “You behave like a victim” or “You act like a Victim all the time in life”?...I think that often a person does not understand what actions he must take steps to start living differently, more happily and effectively....What a Victim is is, it seems, clear: “Yes, I suffered from the unfair/aggressive behavior of Ivan Vladimirovich; yes, I probably should have acted in this case in a different way, and not just remain silent."...But how? They suggest you start treating yourself more carefully: notice where you suffer, where you sacrifice yourself. Try to defend your interests, ask yourself “What do I want?”, “What am I willing to do for this?”, make efforts, make choices and take responsibility. But all this is often difficult: it’s hard to notice that you’re playing a role, it’s hard to start get out of it...Why? What is stopping you? Your high expectations from others: - that someday they themselves will notice how much you are suffering - they will understand that they behaved incorrectly - they will apologize, correct themselves, and.... Everything will be fine!!! And without your efforts. Your fears: - fear of loneliness, condemnation, rejection... - fear that the relationship will come to an end and you will be left with feelings of sadness, loneliness and guilt... - fear that you will be a Bad person in the eyes of others - fear of responsibility : fear that I’m not good for anything, I won’t cope, I’ll make mistakes, fail the mission - fear that due to increased workload there will be no time left to take care of myself, to rest. What do I suggest instead of the wording “playing the role of the Victim?” If you or a person close to you, a colleague, an acquaintance constantly suffers and complains, I suggest calling such a person a “Sufferer”, and instead of the expression “playing a role” say: “lives / is constantly present / stuck in a state." And to help a person realize and feel his situation, you can say something like: “You know, Vanya/Lena/Olya, it seems to me that you are stuck in the state of a Sufferer”... How long are you willing to wait that others will change? Do you see any solutions? What are you ready to do right now to solve your problem? Nothing? Then why are you suffering (endlessly emotionally tormented and waiting) Anger, Resentment, Anger - this is the result of assessing the situation at the moment as Suffering from the Guilty. (I suffered from) Why are you suffering? If you are not ready to change anything? That is, you have a choice - to suffer, change the situation... or accept what you cannot/don’t want to change and relax! Why/why do you choose? suffering? For what?? Continue reading in the next article... Sign up for consultation: +79833412754 Psychotherapist, body-oriented therapist, Pyotr Genadievich Kurdzhiev.